Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
