I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize