We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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