the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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