We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
