So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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