This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
