You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
how drunk are you?
Several
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
