Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
