you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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