He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
