Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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