i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize