i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Two words: blizzard sex
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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