Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
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So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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