He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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