Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
