I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
