Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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