Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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