Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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