i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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