on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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