Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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