you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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