my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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