I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
