I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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