dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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