so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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