Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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