Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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