I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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