i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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