check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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