So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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