Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This baby is an asshole
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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