clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
