I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
