I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
