The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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