did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
