How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
