I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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