Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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