Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
