You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize