I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
