the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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