did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You need Xanax blowdarts
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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