alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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