so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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