He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
