There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
