the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
