I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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