this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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