I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
