her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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