It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
