wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
