Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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