I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
