you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
