i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
