i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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