Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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