nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
