I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
