end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
