i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
