Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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