I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
