I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
